During the first year without my husband I had many offers for help or assistance for various tasks or chores. I learned early on that many of the offers were empty promises. Not all....but most. I got to the point where I HATED asking for help because if they weren't sincere, I could tell the moment the request for help left my mouth. So I stopped asking, "toughened up" (or hardened my heart), and started handling everything myself. Let me tell you, that is a heavy load to carry, and a burden of living that no one is meant to carry by themselves.
When someone becomes a widow like I have, every area of your life changes including your social circles, and they change especially when you don't want them to change. Family aside, almost 95 percent of the people I interact with on a regular basis I did not know prior to my husband's death. That means many people have left my life, but many new people have entered my life. And I have to remind myself sometimes that the new people are not like the ones that are gone.
Over the past couple of weeks several people have offered to help me move, help with Ryan, or offer something else to help me out. I had several true, sincere offers for help from people I had known awhile and others I barely knew. I know I make it difficult when I keep saying no, but I have appreciated the people who didn't stop asking. I had one person tell me "it's a joy to serve you" and another say "it's an honor to help." When you've had to protect yourself like I have, you are very guarded and keep people at arm's length. You don't let people get close and you don't take them up on offers to help because of so many empty offers and empty promises. And while I share my struggles and my grief journey, I still don't connect emotionally and don't let my heart trust fully.
But I think that is changing, and it's changing because of the people who refuse to stop asking, and who stay. We can make loving others seem so complicated, when 9 times out of 10 all you have to do is be a person of your word and show up.