Ryan had the flu a few months back, and ever since then, he's been sleeping in my bed at night. I love having him there, but it's been a long 4 months of restlessness and getting jabbed and kicked in the night. This is his first night and he's already out cold. I hope he keeps it up for longer than one night!
I am making my own transitions within myself. I have coped with the intensity of grief with shopping and food, and now I have a mess to clean up. I can still pay my bills and I'm not dying, but my financial health and physical health are not great. Now that the intensity of grief is over, and now that I've gotten out of the way and let God handle some things, I need to start working on cleaning up the mess.
As a kid, I've always been good at making messes. I don't know how many times growing up I would spill something at the table, but it was a regular occurrence. I'm still the messier person in the house, and I live with a 5 year old!
God has been so good.....he has taken care of me in ways I couldn't have imagined. He may not wipe out everything bad and let me start fresh like I want, but He makes everything stretch beyond its capability of usefulness. It reminds me of the little miracles I would experience in my home in Grant. He also doesn't condemn me for my mess. He shows me ways and gives me the tools to clean it up.
Grief is tough, and anyone who tells you any different is a liar. You deal with things the best you know how through the pain and the fog, and when you have a better presence of mind in the future, you learn from your mistakes and move on. Just please, don't take as long as I did to come to my senses and turn to the Lord for help. This isn't a super spiritual post, but I feel like someone needed to know that it's okay if you made a mistake and you have a mess on your hands. The good thing about messes is that they can always be cleaned up.