During my last post, I talked about how my mind wandered, how I struggled with wishing my life and marriage had been different. Looking back now and knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have had it any other way. I wouldn't trade the years of caring for my husband for anything now. What I had grown exhausted doing during that time I wished for something different, I now miss the most. I loved playing that caregiver role for my husband: bathing him, dressing him, bandaging up his sores, pushing the fluid out of his legs, cutting out his toenails.....it's weird that I miss that the most out of everything. Maybe I should have been a nurse!
After we discovered right before Christmas of 2012 that Mark's liver was failing, I got the joy back in caring for my husband. I had to make a choice to stop the pity party in my mind and focus on my husband. I'm so glad I did. We had some of the best times those last 6 months, and you can't put a price tag on memories.
We were at UAB waiting for a transplant when the doctors came in and told us that Mark had leukemia. We asked them how long he had left to live and the doctors told us Mark had about 2-3 months at best. Then they said, "We're not even sure how you are alive right now." I don't know what they saw with that bone marrow biopsy, but it must have been really bad.
After the doctors left the room, the first thing Mark said was, "I'm ready to go home and be with Jesus." The second thing he said was, "I know you are going to get lonely, and I want you to know it's okay to get married again." He also said, "You were worth waiting for." With all of his pain and suffering, with being told he was about to die, his thoughts were on me and my life after he died, not about himself. He was concerned for me, not what was happening to him.
That, my friends, is a love worth honoring and fighting for. It's a love that sprung up from the love of Christ. Mark could not have loved me that much without the love of Jesus flowing through Him. I could not have found joy in being his caregiver without allowing the love of Jesus to flow through me. Despite our imperfections, faults, and sins, the love of Jesus was stronger, and the love of Jesus won in our marriage.
For all you married couples and soon-to-be married couples, I want you to know that you must fight for your marriage every day. You must wake up with the intent in your mind and heart to love unselfishly. You must take a stand to honor and protect your marriage from all temptation that would lure you away to break your commitment to your spouse.
Everyone who is married will be tested. Will you stray? Will you cheat? It starts in our minds before it becomes an action. The Bible says that Satan looks throughout the earth, seeking anyone he may devour, and he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Temptation starts small, but grows into something much bigger than we ever intended.
My test came after my husband died. About 3 months after Mark died, I had reconnected with many old friends on Facebook. One of them was really nice, and was telling me everything I longed to hear from my husband. One evening, this person came to my house and offered me everything I was missing from my husband. The enemy of our faith, Satan, will come not with fire and a pitchfork, but will come as everything we want and desire. He will offer us our heart's desire, a temporary pleasure to mask the pain, to get us to compromise our faith and what we stand for. I did not give in, but if I had kept on playing the pity party in my mind up until the temptation came, I feel that my choice would have been different that day.
From that day forward, I drew a line in the sand to continue to honor my husband and be faithful to his memory, even after his death. If I was worth waiting for the first time, I will be worth waiting for the second time (if there is a second time). I won't compromise for a one night stand or to make myself feel better. I'm not working out of a "holier-than-thou" attitide, because this isn't about me living up to some high and mighty standard. This is about me honoring my husband AND honoring my savior who died for me, and seeing the value that both Mark and Jesus see in me.
I know some of you may not undertand everything I say about Jesus and my faith in Him. That's okay. My objective is not to push Jesus on you, but to share the love of Jesus I have in my heart. My prayer is that something in this post resonates with you, and sparks something inside of you to think about your marriage as something to fight for every day. You never know when your last act of love will indeed be the very last.
After we discovered right before Christmas of 2012 that Mark's liver was failing, I got the joy back in caring for my husband. I had to make a choice to stop the pity party in my mind and focus on my husband. I'm so glad I did. We had some of the best times those last 6 months, and you can't put a price tag on memories.
We were at UAB waiting for a transplant when the doctors came in and told us that Mark had leukemia. We asked them how long he had left to live and the doctors told us Mark had about 2-3 months at best. Then they said, "We're not even sure how you are alive right now." I don't know what they saw with that bone marrow biopsy, but it must have been really bad.
After the doctors left the room, the first thing Mark said was, "I'm ready to go home and be with Jesus." The second thing he said was, "I know you are going to get lonely, and I want you to know it's okay to get married again." He also said, "You were worth waiting for." With all of his pain and suffering, with being told he was about to die, his thoughts were on me and my life after he died, not about himself. He was concerned for me, not what was happening to him.
That, my friends, is a love worth honoring and fighting for. It's a love that sprung up from the love of Christ. Mark could not have loved me that much without the love of Jesus flowing through Him. I could not have found joy in being his caregiver without allowing the love of Jesus to flow through me. Despite our imperfections, faults, and sins, the love of Jesus was stronger, and the love of Jesus won in our marriage.
For all you married couples and soon-to-be married couples, I want you to know that you must fight for your marriage every day. You must wake up with the intent in your mind and heart to love unselfishly. You must take a stand to honor and protect your marriage from all temptation that would lure you away to break your commitment to your spouse.
Everyone who is married will be tested. Will you stray? Will you cheat? It starts in our minds before it becomes an action. The Bible says that Satan looks throughout the earth, seeking anyone he may devour, and he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Temptation starts small, but grows into something much bigger than we ever intended.
My test came after my husband died. About 3 months after Mark died, I had reconnected with many old friends on Facebook. One of them was really nice, and was telling me everything I longed to hear from my husband. One evening, this person came to my house and offered me everything I was missing from my husband. The enemy of our faith, Satan, will come not with fire and a pitchfork, but will come as everything we want and desire. He will offer us our heart's desire, a temporary pleasure to mask the pain, to get us to compromise our faith and what we stand for. I did not give in, but if I had kept on playing the pity party in my mind up until the temptation came, I feel that my choice would have been different that day.
From that day forward, I drew a line in the sand to continue to honor my husband and be faithful to his memory, even after his death. If I was worth waiting for the first time, I will be worth waiting for the second time (if there is a second time). I won't compromise for a one night stand or to make myself feel better. I'm not working out of a "holier-than-thou" attitide, because this isn't about me living up to some high and mighty standard. This is about me honoring my husband AND honoring my savior who died for me, and seeing the value that both Mark and Jesus see in me.
I know some of you may not undertand everything I say about Jesus and my faith in Him. That's okay. My objective is not to push Jesus on you, but to share the love of Jesus I have in my heart. My prayer is that something in this post resonates with you, and sparks something inside of you to think about your marriage as something to fight for every day. You never know when your last act of love will indeed be the very last.