I've been thinking about all of the changes in my life since Mark's passing. I started going to church and am very involved, I've sold the house and moved to a different city, I've changed jobs, I've made countless new friendships, and I've had a million other small changes along the way. One thing you can always count on is change! I've wondered often what Mark would have to say about everything, and what new memories we would have made if he was still here.
I've thought about how people have said to me when I've made a change, "Yeah, you've got to move on (or forward)." I don't even know what that means really. In outward appearances one can look like they are moving on, but inside their heart a person is still in the same place. They aren't really "stuck," but they still think of their loved one every day. They still love them just as much, maybe even more, since they've been gone.
That's where I feel I'm at now. I'm not "moving on" or "moving forward," because I'm not leaving him behind for a new life. I am taking him with me with every change that comes along. I like that, because I don't feel like a change in location or a change in my life puts any distance or space between us. Any change can't take him away from me or the love I have for him in my heart.
So I'm not moving on or moving forward. Rather, I choose to carry him with me.
I've thought about how people have said to me when I've made a change, "Yeah, you've got to move on (or forward)." I don't even know what that means really. In outward appearances one can look like they are moving on, but inside their heart a person is still in the same place. They aren't really "stuck," but they still think of their loved one every day. They still love them just as much, maybe even more, since they've been gone.
That's where I feel I'm at now. I'm not "moving on" or "moving forward," because I'm not leaving him behind for a new life. I am taking him with me with every change that comes along. I like that, because I don't feel like a change in location or a change in my life puts any distance or space between us. Any change can't take him away from me or the love I have for him in my heart.
So I'm not moving on or moving forward. Rather, I choose to carry him with me.