This was my third Christmas and New Year without Mark. A lot has changed with me emotionally and spiritually since going through the first couple of holidays without my husband. While I was glad to get the holidays behind me and get the Christmas decorations put away, I can say that this was the first holiday that I enjoyed.....the first one that didn't have sorrow mixed in. It's nice to enjoy life and enjoy being happy without feeling guilty about it.
I have no clue what 2016 will bring me. I want to dream of what can happen, but I'm cautious about my expectations. I remember when 2012 ended, Mark sais that he had hope that 2013 would be better. In 2012 we had a miscarriage and was told right before Christmas that Mark's liver was failing. We had hoped for a brighter year for 2013 because we were going to welcome our son into the world, and we had hopes that Mark would get a liver transplant that year. The reality that he wouldn't be there 6 months later wasn't in our thoughts. We had thought about it, but we had hope that God was going fix it. Sometimes things don't get fixed the way we want them to.
Well I just read over what I wrote, and it sounds depressing!! I'm really not sad, I promise! I'm just in a reflecting mood this evening over the past couple of years.
Anyway, back to 2016. I don't know what will happen with me this year, or how I will change. I do know this: I want more of Jesus this year than I had last year. Seeing how He has walk with me and carried me through the most difficult moments if my life, how He has been my most loyal friend, makes me want to know Him and to share Him with others. I want it to be said of me, while people may disagree with me, that I showed love and told everybody within my reach the love of Jesus.
I know being single again that I can take my life in any direction I choose. Like packing up everything and moving to Hawaii. I could totally do that and be a beach bum the rest of my life! But I don't want my direction, I want the Lord's direction. I want to be led by Him, not by my own selfish desires. I just want Him. I know some of you reading this may not understand this, but that's okay. You don't have to understand. But what I hope you will do, is to seek the Lord for yourself by reading your Bible and praying to God. Please seek Him while He may be found. You will never have a more loyal friend and companion than Jesus.
I have no clue what 2016 will bring me. I want to dream of what can happen, but I'm cautious about my expectations. I remember when 2012 ended, Mark sais that he had hope that 2013 would be better. In 2012 we had a miscarriage and was told right before Christmas that Mark's liver was failing. We had hoped for a brighter year for 2013 because we were going to welcome our son into the world, and we had hopes that Mark would get a liver transplant that year. The reality that he wouldn't be there 6 months later wasn't in our thoughts. We had thought about it, but we had hope that God was going fix it. Sometimes things don't get fixed the way we want them to.
Well I just read over what I wrote, and it sounds depressing!! I'm really not sad, I promise! I'm just in a reflecting mood this evening over the past couple of years.
Anyway, back to 2016. I don't know what will happen with me this year, or how I will change. I do know this: I want more of Jesus this year than I had last year. Seeing how He has walk with me and carried me through the most difficult moments if my life, how He has been my most loyal friend, makes me want to know Him and to share Him with others. I want it to be said of me, while people may disagree with me, that I showed love and told everybody within my reach the love of Jesus.
I know being single again that I can take my life in any direction I choose. Like packing up everything and moving to Hawaii. I could totally do that and be a beach bum the rest of my life! But I don't want my direction, I want the Lord's direction. I want to be led by Him, not by my own selfish desires. I just want Him. I know some of you reading this may not understand this, but that's okay. You don't have to understand. But what I hope you will do, is to seek the Lord for yourself by reading your Bible and praying to God. Please seek Him while He may be found. You will never have a more loyal friend and companion than Jesus.