Originally published on August 16, 2015. I hated it when Mark and I were engaged and people would talk to us about how hard and miserable marriage was. Nothing was more discouraging than someone dumping on us about their marital problems. I desperately wanted someone to tell us that marriage was wonderful, that they actually enjoyed being married. I don't remember anyone or any couple telling me that marriage was wonderful. I remember thinking, would I end up being miserable like everyone else was in their marriage? I thought marriage was suppose to be a blessing, not a curse.
I wanted to give my marriage my best shot. I wanted to prove the negative comments wrong....and I didn't want to do it to tell anyone "I told you so" or "I know how to be married better than you." I wanted to prove the negative comments wrong because I knew that Jesus had brought this man to me to love. And if Jesus brought him to me to love, then this marriage would be a gift, not a curse.
I had a different perspective on my marriage than most people in their twenties had. I married a man who was told he would die before we ever met. I married a man who would eventually need a liver transplant, and who had a good chance of passing away at a young age. I believed in God's miraculous healing power, but I also knew I didn't see the bigger picture of the future that was ahead of us.
I'm hear to tell you that I proved those negative comments and attitudes about marriage wrong. Marriage is great and wonderful, and was better than I ever thought it would be. But to be honest, I can't take the credit for it. The reason for the success of my marriage wasn't my perspective. It wasn't because I figured out how to make my husband do everything I wanted him to do to make me happy. It was Jesus, plain and simple.
Mark and I made a commitment to love each other with the love of Christ. We wanted Jesus to use us to love the other person. Most importantly, we made a commitment to put Jesus first in our marriage and first in our hearts before we walked down the aisle. For our marriage to be successful, we had to love each other unselfishly.
There were days and moments when we thought and acted selfishly. When our focus wasn't on Jesus, we were miserable. But when we shifted our focus back on Jesus and concentrated on loving each other, our marriage worked.
There were some hard moments in our marriage, but the marriage itself wasn't hard. There were moments that my husband didn't love me the way I wanted him to or show me affection the way I wanted him to, but that didn't mean he had stopped loving me. My job in my marriage was to ask God how to love my husband the best, and then do what God wanted me to do. My prayers for my marriage were never about me and what I wanted out of the relationship.
My marriage was easy, because I didn't focus on myself and what I wanted. My focus was how to love my husband the best, making sure that he was loved and felt loved. And the best way to love someone is to let Jesus love them through you.
So my marriage advice to unmarried people is this: don't get married to have someone love you. Marry someone you want to spend the rest of your life loving. Marriage isn't for you to get what you want from someone. Marriage is your opportunity to love someone else with the love of Jesus for the rest of your life. And if you are reading this and you are married, my advice to you is to love your spouse as best you know how. Lay down your own desires for love, and unselfishly love the person you promised you would love the rest of your life. Love them with every fiber of your being without expecting anything in return. Pray to God about how to love them best, and then do what He shows you to do. One day either you or your spouse will be gone and time will take away the opportunity to love.
I wanted to give my marriage my best shot. I wanted to prove the negative comments wrong....and I didn't want to do it to tell anyone "I told you so" or "I know how to be married better than you." I wanted to prove the negative comments wrong because I knew that Jesus had brought this man to me to love. And if Jesus brought him to me to love, then this marriage would be a gift, not a curse.
I had a different perspective on my marriage than most people in their twenties had. I married a man who was told he would die before we ever met. I married a man who would eventually need a liver transplant, and who had a good chance of passing away at a young age. I believed in God's miraculous healing power, but I also knew I didn't see the bigger picture of the future that was ahead of us.
I'm hear to tell you that I proved those negative comments and attitudes about marriage wrong. Marriage is great and wonderful, and was better than I ever thought it would be. But to be honest, I can't take the credit for it. The reason for the success of my marriage wasn't my perspective. It wasn't because I figured out how to make my husband do everything I wanted him to do to make me happy. It was Jesus, plain and simple.
Mark and I made a commitment to love each other with the love of Christ. We wanted Jesus to use us to love the other person. Most importantly, we made a commitment to put Jesus first in our marriage and first in our hearts before we walked down the aisle. For our marriage to be successful, we had to love each other unselfishly.
There were days and moments when we thought and acted selfishly. When our focus wasn't on Jesus, we were miserable. But when we shifted our focus back on Jesus and concentrated on loving each other, our marriage worked.
There were some hard moments in our marriage, but the marriage itself wasn't hard. There were moments that my husband didn't love me the way I wanted him to or show me affection the way I wanted him to, but that didn't mean he had stopped loving me. My job in my marriage was to ask God how to love my husband the best, and then do what God wanted me to do. My prayers for my marriage were never about me and what I wanted out of the relationship.
My marriage was easy, because I didn't focus on myself and what I wanted. My focus was how to love my husband the best, making sure that he was loved and felt loved. And the best way to love someone is to let Jesus love them through you.
So my marriage advice to unmarried people is this: don't get married to have someone love you. Marry someone you want to spend the rest of your life loving. Marriage isn't for you to get what you want from someone. Marriage is your opportunity to love someone else with the love of Jesus for the rest of your life. And if you are reading this and you are married, my advice to you is to love your spouse as best you know how. Lay down your own desires for love, and unselfishly love the person you promised you would love the rest of your life. Love them with every fiber of your being without expecting anything in return. Pray to God about how to love them best, and then do what He shows you to do. One day either you or your spouse will be gone and time will take away the opportunity to love.