Waiting……..
“Sometimes God’s power is shown as much in preventing things as it is in making them happen.” – Lysa TerKeurst
Isaiah 55:8-9 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.”
Lamentations 3:26 “It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.”
I sat down this evening to write about one thing, but will end up writing about something totally different. Right before I started to write, I was looking through some files and found recipes that I had saved to cook for Mark. I didn’t do a lot of cooking when he was alive because he did it all before I got home from work. I would cook mostly when I took time off from work. We couldn’t go anywhere because of his health problems, so this was my chance to take over the kitchen and do something for him. I remember having so much fun finding new recipes to try to find him something new that he could eat. Married to someone with a very limited sodium restriction sure makes cooking anything a challenge! Many of the recipes I never had a chance to try…..I wish I had taken more time to cook for him. I miss being in the kitchen with him. There’s just something that says “home” and “belonging” and “love” to me about cooking in the kitchen with your husband.
I miss my old life, even though it was extremely difficult and hard. Everyone says “Mark’s in a better place” and “Mark’s not suffering anymore,” but I miss the life we shared. I miss caring for him in his sickness. I am not just grieving the death of my husband. I am grieving the death of the dreams we shared, the absence of companionship, and not being a wife and belonging to someone. I am grieving the end of a life I was happy with, even though we had many challenges. Being a wife and caregiver to my husband, I knew my purpose. I was happy with my purpose. I OWNED MY PURPOSE! Now that’s gone, and the question I keep coming back to 14 months after he’s gone is this: Where do I fit in to the world now?
I still don’t know, and don’t really have a clear direction. My mind was so scattered the first year without Mark, and still is from time to time. So I wait on the Lord. Waiting is the absolute last thing I want to do, and for the past 14 months I have tried every single way possible to make a change in some area of my life. No matter what I try though, nothing changes. I searched the Bible for answers and each single scripture I read was telling me to wait. All I heard from God was the answer I didn’t want….wait, wait, Wait, WAIT, WAIT!!!! I’m sure He’s laughed at me sometimes when I would turn the page, search through another book of the Bible, switch from Old Testament to New Testament, trying to find a different answer. Once I stopped all the striving, and struggling, and fighting for change of any kind, I was able to rest in Him.
Resting in Him and waiting on Him has given me more comfort and peace than any change I was looking for. What I need isn’t change. What I need is Jesus. It’s always that simple, just like when we pray to Jesus for the first time and commit our lives to Him. He wants to be our only source of relief, comfort, and peace. His ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and our ways. Sometimes we hear the scriptures, but we need to show that we know it with our actions. We don’t need to show it for Him…..we need to show it to ourselves, and let that truth soak into our minds and our hearts. If you find yourself scattered today, unclear of what you need to do, just rest in Him and wait on Him. It’s really that easy.
“Sometimes God’s power is shown as much in preventing things as it is in making them happen.” – Lysa TerKeurst
Isaiah 55:8-9 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.”
Lamentations 3:26 “It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.”
I sat down this evening to write about one thing, but will end up writing about something totally different. Right before I started to write, I was looking through some files and found recipes that I had saved to cook for Mark. I didn’t do a lot of cooking when he was alive because he did it all before I got home from work. I would cook mostly when I took time off from work. We couldn’t go anywhere because of his health problems, so this was my chance to take over the kitchen and do something for him. I remember having so much fun finding new recipes to try to find him something new that he could eat. Married to someone with a very limited sodium restriction sure makes cooking anything a challenge! Many of the recipes I never had a chance to try…..I wish I had taken more time to cook for him. I miss being in the kitchen with him. There’s just something that says “home” and “belonging” and “love” to me about cooking in the kitchen with your husband.
I miss my old life, even though it was extremely difficult and hard. Everyone says “Mark’s in a better place” and “Mark’s not suffering anymore,” but I miss the life we shared. I miss caring for him in his sickness. I am not just grieving the death of my husband. I am grieving the death of the dreams we shared, the absence of companionship, and not being a wife and belonging to someone. I am grieving the end of a life I was happy with, even though we had many challenges. Being a wife and caregiver to my husband, I knew my purpose. I was happy with my purpose. I OWNED MY PURPOSE! Now that’s gone, and the question I keep coming back to 14 months after he’s gone is this: Where do I fit in to the world now?
I still don’t know, and don’t really have a clear direction. My mind was so scattered the first year without Mark, and still is from time to time. So I wait on the Lord. Waiting is the absolute last thing I want to do, and for the past 14 months I have tried every single way possible to make a change in some area of my life. No matter what I try though, nothing changes. I searched the Bible for answers and each single scripture I read was telling me to wait. All I heard from God was the answer I didn’t want….wait, wait, Wait, WAIT, WAIT!!!! I’m sure He’s laughed at me sometimes when I would turn the page, search through another book of the Bible, switch from Old Testament to New Testament, trying to find a different answer. Once I stopped all the striving, and struggling, and fighting for change of any kind, I was able to rest in Him.
Resting in Him and waiting on Him has given me more comfort and peace than any change I was looking for. What I need isn’t change. What I need is Jesus. It’s always that simple, just like when we pray to Jesus for the first time and commit our lives to Him. He wants to be our only source of relief, comfort, and peace. His ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and our ways. Sometimes we hear the scriptures, but we need to show that we know it with our actions. We don’t need to show it for Him…..we need to show it to ourselves, and let that truth soak into our minds and our hearts. If you find yourself scattered today, unclear of what you need to do, just rest in Him and wait on Him. It’s really that easy.